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Wednesday, 29 August 2012

This is the scariest, creepiest, most disturbing album cover ever made.  Why?  Take a look behind the foliage in the upper left.  What demon haunted mind lurks within that darkened cell? (shudder)  The Corner Grocery Store is a place where evil dwells.  Stay away.

As for the child wedged below Raffi, I don't know what he's doing, but I believe it's a cry for help of some kind.

Did I say that last one was the scariest cover ever made? I meant this one.

Quick Fact: When you die, if this is what you see, you're most likely in hell.

1. The name of the band is Down Child.  This makes me think of a Down Syndrome Child.  Bad name for a band.

2. This guy look exactly like Julian Barratt.  Five people will get what I'm saying. Sorry for the obscure reference, but it had to be said.

What if Shel Silverstein raided Rhoda Morgenstern's closet? Wonder no longer.

Jethro, a longtime sufferer of Irritable Bowel Syndrom, was captured here at the beginning of an "episode".

This is the guy that wrote "Bad Case of Loving You (Doctor, Doctor)". Looking at this cover, he would've been a good Doctor Who; although the Brian Jones hair doesn't really work with the Sally Jessy Raphael glasses.  He looks like a young Bruce Vilanch.

The Nylons; they're like an older mustier version of Color Me Badd.

Okay, I'm all a flutter about the big Pepsi festival going on here.  I think the song translates to "I prefer Pepsi"... but to be perfectly frank, I can't really focus right now..... the white substance on that guy's face (bottom right) is really making me uncomfortable.

Okay, it's just some unfortunately placed scratches, but still.....

The danger with hair metal album covers was that the guys were so damn androgynous, you never knew whether to be turned on or repulsed. It was confusing.

Your Friend: "Check out the new White Panther album!"
You: Oh, hell yeah.  Those chicks are super hot! I'd like to bang every one of them!
Your Friend: "......... uh, dude.... White Panther are all guys.  You're gay."

Remember that annoying kid in school who would align his watch to reflect the sun's rays and then aim it at you? You'd look up from your desk, see a brilliant flash of light, and become temporarily blinded.  Good times.

Why's the guy in front the only one not smiling? It's like he doesn't want to be associated with the rest of the band.  I sense internal friction.

A little advice before I go:

1. Unless you are Mr. Furley, Paul Lynde, Fred from Scooby-Doo or Charles Nelson Riley, you should under no circumstances wear an ascot.
2. If you are lone female who happens upon a deserted train station occupied only by the band Octavian, it is probably in your best interest to run.  Run as fast and hard as you can and don't you dare look back.


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