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Thursday, 16 August 2012

When I think of great album covers, a few particularly awesome ones spring to mind.  (1) Sgt. Pepper, an obvious choice, but it's obvious for a reason. (2) Black Sabbath's eponymous LP is the high water mark for horror themed covers - Maiden's Eddie covers run a close second.  (3) The Frazetta Molly Hatchet cover(s) also kick some ass.... but I'll save this discussion for a Greatest Album Covers post.

This, however, is not a Greatest Album Covers post.  Quite the contrary.  These are freaking awful.  These are all horrible messes that demand your immediate attention.

Note: This post is all about foreign singles.  So technically we're not lookin' at album covers; either way, they are bad things with which to cover vinyl. Enough said.

Scandinavia was bursting at the seams with cheesy looking groups with matching outfits during the seventies and eighties.  I could easily fill this post with hundreds of covers that are worthy of being called "awful".  Flintlock will have to serve as the ambassador today - I think you'll agree they are worthy of carrying the torch.

If Jethro Tull and Laverne DeFazzio collaborated on a record, this is what it would look like.  Word of advice: if someone asks you to let them "hoopapa", run as fast as you can and do not look back.

If someone ever asks you why disco died; please, say nothing and quietly just show them to this picture.  In the Bizarro Universe, James Taylor and Janis Ian are in this band.

Ummmm.  Suddenly I feel really uncomfortable.  What is Albert doing behind that couch? Are the song titles perhaps clues? He's got that thousand-yard stare of someone mid-masturb-....... okay, I think it best if we move along and give Albert and his "Negrita" some privacy.

Decades before Fergie, there was Penny McLean and her lovely Lady Bumps.  Get you love drunk off her bumps.

Terrible name for a band.... a terrible font..... and worse still, a criminally awful picture.  The Beatles butcher cover did it right.  Arms and Legs did it wrong.

"Hey, Gal. I've got a great idea for the cover to your new single and LP of classy Paraguayan folkloric songs and delicate and subtle homages to Jards Macalé and the poet Wally Sailormoon..... are you ready?.... A close up of a camel toe!......................... eh? Gal, why aren't you saying anything?...."

The guy in silver (second from left) is obviously squeezing out a fart. Perhaps he's just testing the acoustics in his tin foil trousers.

Normally I'm a proponent of cheesecake in any form.  But this.  This is just awkward.

Where to begin? The facial hair  the girth, the perm, the shirts.... I am stricken by their power.   Words cannot describe.

What - no midget?  Don't tease me with the promise of a midget and not deliver.  Also, the guy on the right looks far too much like Ned Flanders to be in a rock band called Atlantis.

(gasp) Extensive armpit hair...... (gag)..... must......look.....away!

"Hello?  Yes, this is Lepa Brena.  You say you'd like to speak with Slatki Greh? Hold on, let me pass the bird phone over to him...."


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