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Thursday, 5 April 2012

John, you senseless idiot.  You're on a "strange lonely back road", get your sorry ass back on the highway.

It's fun to read these old horror comics: we know the rules of their world, but the characters are blissfully unaware.  In horror comics, you should never dismiss superstitious legend, never take the back roads, and always believe your humble wife's intuition.  Otherwise, you're dead meat..... just like ol' John blissfully oblivious to his impending doom.

Totally different comic - this time it's Jim that's the ignoramus.  Horror comics were littered with dumb husbands who didn't give two shits that their wives were petrified with terror.  "Don't be silly, sweet."  Well, if "sweet" was driving, you'd be safe and sound in a Holiday Inn watching Soupy Sales. But nooooooo. You had to be stubborn and not let that He-Witch make you lose precious miles.

I would love it if the comic included a panel right before they die where Yates just lays into Manning: "The entire f***ing forest is f***ing empty and you tell me to get a grip?  Obviously something was very f***ing wrong, but you were too busy being a dick to notice. Thanks a lot, Manning.... ya douche."

Yep. Once again, the wife is exercising common sense, but her doofus husband has absolutely no sense of self preservation.  And why would he automatically assume it's someone who's car broke down?

I got news for you, Parker.  You won't be seeing your boss at sunset.  In fact, you won't be seeing your boss period.  Your boss is going bye-bye.

Actually, Mr. Masterson, I don't think you heard me.  I said you now have the DEMON coat.  Did you think I said DENIM coat?

Candy would do well to listen to "stupid" Thaxter from time to time. Thaxter is going to be sipping on a Tom Collins doing crossword puzzles while you're getting sliced and diced in The Ripper Room.  Who's the stupid one again?

I think that pipe tobacco is stunting his ability to reason.  Perry is straight up telling you (1) no one has gone that way for thirty years, (2) there is death up there, (3) there is evil up there, and (5) someone called The Vulture of Sorrow Valley is buried there.  What part of this do you not understand?

 For once it's the husband showing a little sense. It's on a dark deserted road, the place is strange looking, and it gives George the shivers... get the f*** out.  Go grab a beer and a hamburger, and that antique store will be a distant memory.

Unfortunately, we know they won't do that (if they did, it'd be the most boring horror comic in history).  I hope at least they use good judgment when they buy stuff from the antique store....

Great Scott!  Are you kidding me? This is what they purchase?

It's just like those horror movies where the camper has to go alone into the woods, or check out a strange sound in the basement, etc.  The audience knows they're about to bite it, but there's something morbidly fun about waiting for something really bad to happen.

Jesus, they were scary enough when they were just Witch Stones.  Now you're telling me they are old altars?  That's even worse. Let's get the hell outta here.

Here's Mister Swanson again. When you've been given fair warning by half the town and still persist, according to the Rules of the Horror Comic, you will die a horrible death. Swanson's a goner.



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