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Wednesday, 18 January 2012



Bedazzled (1967): A total loser makes a deal with the devil to get his dream girl.  Agreements between to man and Satan typically don't go so well, and this is no exception with Dudley Moore winding up worse for wear.

Star Quotient = 6
Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, and Raquel Welch - sounds just about perfect, but Welch's part is woefully short

Badassitude = 6
Cook is the Prince of Darkness with a wry devilish wit; makes Pacino (The Devil's Advocate) and DeNiro (as Luis Cypher - worst devil name in history BTW - in Angel Heart) seem boring.

Action Fraction =0
British wit aplenty, but alas not a car chase to be found

Laughtermath = 8
This brand of humor is so brilliant, it takes a minute to acclimate. In fact, if you watch a full episode of How I Met Your Mother (utter shit), and then watch this, your head will implode upon itself.

Sexitivity = 7
Raquel delivers the goods, but it's from behind an annoying mesh curtain, and her scene is over way too soon. Eleanor Bron is in a miniskirt throughout.... you could do a lot worse.

Disturbulence = 1
It's not exactly upbeat; the comedy can be pretty dark. But, nothing too traumatizing here.

Frighteousness= 0
Turner and Hooch was scarier than this.

Storytelling = 7
Masterful - keeps you involved at every step.... unlike that Brendan Frazier train wreck that came out in 2000. What a godawful mess.







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Billy Jack (1971)


Billy Jack is the ultimate hero - part Native American, part ball busting Marine.... and he's got a school full of hippie children to protect from close minded rednecks.  When the hicks step over the line, Billy must put away his peace-loving principles, and beat some redneck ass!


Star Quotient = 2
Tom Laughlin and Delores Taylor aren't exactly Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, but who gives a shit. Am I right?


Badassitude = 9
Billy Jack would be a perfect 10, if he didn't try to be such a hippie.  This is the most conflicted movie ever made: On the one hand, Billy Jack is an ex Marine that totally whoops ass - this is where the movie shines. Yet, it also tries to be a pro peace film (?)  I understand violence is sometimes necessary, even for the biggest pacifist, but this movie, at times, relishes the shit-kicking.

Action Fraction = 7
Although the action is sparse, it's a matter of quality over quantity. The scene where Billy confronts the redneck sheriff douche-bag is absolutely iconic. "I'm gonna take this right foot.... and I'm gonna whop you on that side of your face... and you wanna know somethin'?... there's not a damn thing you're gonna be able to do about it." 

Laughtermath = 0
I would love to give this a negative number simply because of Howard Hessman's horribly awkward comedy routines.  They last forever, are not remotely funny, and are gut-wrenchingly embarrassing. Perhaps hippies found these routines funny at the time, but they are an absolute clusterfuck now.  Hessman, thankfully, got a lot funnier on WKRP.

Sexitivity = 0

Disturbulence = 5
The whole story is fairly contrived, so it's hard to be disturbed by the tragedies that ensue.  However, Delores is raped towards the end of the film, and it's pretty awful.  Remember how you felt when Edith Bunker got raped? (Holy shit that was a horrible episode) This is probably along those lines.

Frighteousness= 0

Storytelling = 5
The story is pretty predictable; however, Laughlin is so engaging as the conflicted Billy Jack, you can't look away. 

 

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