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Monday, 9 January 2012

Lois Lane was never the sharpest tool in the shed - reading these old comics, one starts to wonder if she has a mental disability of some kind. But, to be fair, you have to take these old comics in context - women in general weren't exactly portrayed equitably back then.  However, it's still a lot of fun to look at these old Superman comics - especially the surprisingly long running Superman's Girlfried: Lois Lane comics.  Every issue is literally about (1) Lois' undying devotion to her Man of Steel and (2) her retarded choices. Take for instance....

Really, Lois? You're going to sign a scroll witnessed by "Satan, Prince of Darkness"? I have a nasty feeling this isn't the smartest thing you've done all day.

But far be it from me to lay all the stupidity Lois' way - the entire comic is cover to cover inanity.  Naturally, this makes for some fun filled reading. Take for instance Lois' bathtub scenes...

Great Scot! What other devices did her "Super Hubby" build to provide Lois with her so-called "feminine occupations"? Only Miss Jingles knows for sure.

.... and speaking of Lois Lane bathtub scenes - Great Caesar's Ghost! The picture below looks absolutely profane.

...blecch! Let's move on and take a break from her sickening bathtub rituals...

She's new at this. So, I can understand maybe getting knocked by a tree branch, or maybe a low flying bird or something... but a giant stone model of Earth?  Damn. That's gonna smart. (And what exactly is Supes doing with this giant stone model of Earth in the first place?)

His superhuman senses detect 'serious commitment' and 'long term relationship'.... time to get the f**k out of Dodge!

I'm used to the Superman movies where he would give his left nut to get with Lois.  In these old comics, the roles are reversed. Lois will stop at nothing to get the Man of Steel to be her husband.... whereas, as the panel above indicates, Supes wants none of that commitment stuff.

I can only assume Lois is referring to boobs and ass here.

This is one of my favorite Lois stories. She starts to freak out and have nightmares about a world where the ideal figure is skinny, and voluptuous chicks like Lois are considered fat.  Oh, Lois. If you could only see the future - you ain't seen nothin' yet, babe.

(You can find this story in Superman's Girlfriend: Lois Lane No. 79, November 1967)
Lest you think that Lois is some sort of spineless pushover, check this panel out.  After a catfight between Lana and Lois simmers down, Lois is still ready to straight up murder her ass.

Wait a minute... "I'm always bawling you out"? Basically, Supes doesn't care for Lois' shenanegans and is prone to put this chick in her place. Damn. I always pictured him more as a softy.

Easy does it, Lois. All he said is he wants a signal; you're reading way too much into this.

As you might have guessed, that button triggers the ejection seat.  One wonders how long this woman would've lived were she not associated with Superman.  The Man of Steel interceded for Lois in many a potential Darwinian fatality.... perhaps, just once, he should have let Nature take its course.


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