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Thursday, 29 December 2011

As far as inanimate mechanical objects go, the car has got to be in the top ten when it comes to being associated with coolness (i.e. verility, youth, sexiness, etc.). Perhaps, only the electric guitar and motorcycle can top it.  Sure, you've got your "chick repellents" like the Brady Bunch station wagons and AMC Pacers; however, these are easily countered by a 1966 Pontiac GTO or James Bond's Alpha Romeo GTV6, which literally do not need gas to run, but rather are powered by their own raw sexual energy.

This is especially true for the muscle car. Harken back to your high school days: even the goofiest guy could get the grooviest chicks if he drove a badass Plymouth Barracuda. Indeed, the sexual power inherent in these vehicles is so intense that some say that if a hybrid minivan comes into contact with a 70s muscle car, it will have a matter-antimatter reaction, creating a tear in the universe.  Don't try this experiment at home, kids.

Like I said, even the lamest dudes had no problems with the ladies, as long as their ride was lookin' good.
Listen to an awesome quote via Wooderson about his muscle car Melba Toast (from Dazed and Confused),
Let me tell ya what Melba Toast is packin'. 411 positrack out back, 750 double pumper, Edelbroc intakes, 11 to 1 pop up pistons, Turbo jet 390 horsepower... some f***in' muscle!

As a commentor on my Flickr page said in response to this picture: "Good drugs, short skirts, fast cars, low prices...and you think people have it good now?" I couldn't have said it any better.

Okay, this car may be a bit old-timey to have any bearing on why Mr. Mooney ended up "most handsome"; however I'm pretty sure his bitchin' car had a role to play.  There's simply no other way to explain this otherwise irreconcilable pair.

This car cutie is a triumph! (Heh, heh... you see what I did there with the play on words with "triumph". There's plenty more where that came from, folks)

This guy is exhibiting what is commonly referred to as the "slasher smile" (see A Clockwork Orange every time Alex gets ready for a bit of 'ultraviolence', or Count Dooku before he beats Obi-Wan's ass). This girl is obviously going to die shortly after this picture was taken... but it never would've happened had he not lured her in with his chick magnet (i.e. truck magnet).

It's one thing to own a cool car, it's altogether another to drive that sonuvabitch really, really fast.  Speed kills, but it will also get you laid; so, basically it's a trade-off.  Steve McQueen and James Dean both raced with the devil, and it eventually caught up with them.... but not before they banged tons of chicks.

Guess how much a brand new Maverick Grabber cost in 1970. This will make you absolutely sick - are you ready? Base Price: $1995.  Adjusted for inflation that equals just $11074.92. WTF? No wonder everyone is in debt up to their eyeballs.  [Click here to see an ad]

Nice headlights. (Get it? I told you I had a million of these.) For a while there in the late sixties, Dodge had cornered the market on sexually suggestive advertising. The Charger was hyped as the ultimate in macho-mobiles, the irreproachable zenith in manly machines - if this doesn't get you laid, nothing will.  Stories are told of gimp legged dwarf burn victims having no problem picking up chicks with this fine automobile.

There's dozens of "top ten chick magnet cars" lists on the interwebs with varying opinions on what cars deserve top ranking; however, there's certain cars that seem to keep popping up, no matter what list you're looking at:

1962-1968 Shelby Cobra
1963-1965 Aston Martin DB5
1968-1982 Chevy Corvette
1970-1971 Plymouth Hemi ‘Cuda Convertible
1981-1982 DeLorean DMC-12
1984-1996 Ferrari Testarossa

My heart goes to the 1968 AMX.  There's something about that design - even when it's sitting in a parking lot, it looks like it's hauling ass at 100 mph. The starting factory price for a 1968 AMX was $3,245.00.  I'd love to own one of these bad boys.

Sweet Lord. What it is about an automobile that makes women want to drape themselves all over it? Chicks are like metal shavings attracted to the unseen force of the vehicle (hence the term "chick magnet").  For you physicists out there: you've heard of the strong and weak nuclear force, gravity and electromagetism - well there's also a lesser known force known as the Vehicular Feminine Pull.  Perhaps, when the Swiss discover the Higgs Boson, this will all be explained.

Although highly unusual, males have also been known to drape themselves on automobiles as well.  Needless to say, the sight of a young man spread out atop an Oldsmobile Cutlass isn't exactly pleasing to the eye.

Okay, if this schlub can attract Sibyl Danning with his Datsun 280Z, then we finally have definitive proof that sports cars do possess magic powers. Any doubts at this point are unfounded, all arguments are hereby invalid. We can all go home now.



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