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Wednesday, 14 December 2011

AKA The Astral Factor (1976)

Plot: A pathetic dumbass uses psychic ability to turn invisible and kill women; it's up to uber suave Robert Foxworth to catch him before he kills again!
Star Quotient = 5 
Robert Foxworth will forever be linked to his Damien: Omen II role for me; Stephanie Powers plays his wife in an amazingly pointless role; Elke Somer is waaaay past her prime.
Badassitude = 3
Foxworth really reminds me of Mr. Brady during his perm days. Now, that hardly makes him a badass, but Foxworth is one cool customer, oozing raw seventies awesomeness.
Action Fraction = 5
A respectable amount of killing going on; however, it's TV Movie of the Week violence level
Laughtermath = 1
I think Stephanie Powers is supposed to have a somewhat comedic role. At one point, she's drunk and acting a blamed fool, but the scene is so awkward that any humor is hopelessly lost. It's as if she unintentionally stumbled upon Ricky Gervais' "painfully awkward = comedy" formula.
Sexitivity = 3
No nudity (except Powers from the back for a couple seconds); woefully low on T&A
Disturbulence = 3
The scenes where the Invisible Strangler takes out women are shown from the Strangler's perspective, and are a bit on the disturbing side.  A girl killed in a bath is shown close-up, rotten and gory looking. Not super horrific, but kinda unexpected in a movie like this.
Frighteousness= 2
Fright factor about on the level of an episode of Columbo - which is sort of what this movie reminds me of... but not near as good.
Storytelling = 4
Same flavor as any 70s detective show - mildly entertaining and hardly memorable.  By the time you read this, I will have forgotten most of the film.

Stephanie Powers in a painfully awkward scene
Foxworth striking a pose of unadulterated cool
Did I mention the Invisible Strangler neatly drapes his victims over couches?

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The Young Girls of Rochefort (1967)

Plot: To the best of my knowledge, there is no plot whatsoever. Lot's of dancing, singing, and unbridled giddiness.  Tons and tons of giddiness.
Star Quotient = 3 
Catherine Deneuve and Gene Kelly - not too shabby
Badassitude = 0
Opposite of badass. This is what Chuck Norris' nightmares look like. 
Action Fraction = 0
Dancing does not count as action. I that's understood.
Laughtermath = 0
It's effervescent as hell - you simply cannot stay in a lousy mood whilst watching this.  This is pure happiness put to celluloid..... but not funny in the slightest. 
Sexitivity = 5
Copious French miniskirts; Enough said.
Disturbulence = 2
The randomness, the silliness, and hyper gleefulness lends an almost hallucinogenic feel to the film.
Frighteousness= 0
Storytelling = 2
People break into song and dance at any moment, which is lovely.... but there's simply no story.  It's so odd, so absurd, that it is actually worth a watch.

If you drank a beer every time you said "WTF?" in this movie, you'd die of alcohol poisoning
Tons of super short skirts - perhaps the film's only redeeming quality
Oddly enough, the film makes even less sense with the English subtitles ON

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