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Friday, 25 November 2011

For me, finding a 60s-80s movie on Instant is often a frustrating experience. There's a whole array of long-forgotten classics buried in their vast storehouse of instantly viewable material; the trouble is finding them.... and it simply should not be so hard.

Well, there's a lot of apps out there (i.e. Instant Watcher) that can make finding things easier.  I thought it might also be beneficial to present a few weekly offerings here at Retrospace.  I've been wanting to do this for while, but never pulled the trigger, the reason being movie reviews take me forever to write. Most of my posts take 15-20 minutes to compose.... these can take several hours.

The obvious solution to this quandary is to simply keep it brief. My goal is to just provide you enough information for you to determine whether or not to give it a try, not write a dissertation on each film.   Here's what we'll go by from here on out...

Star Quotient 
Even the worst movies can be saved by Evil Knievel and Paul Lynde
Chuck Norris and Shaft excel in this category
Action Fraction
Chase scenes, be it chopper or speed boat, are a worthy addition to any film
Will you laugh hysterically or just smile awkwardly
The T&A factor: for many of you, the only score that matters
How badly will you need to take a shower to wash away the painful memory
Scariness; Exorcist = 10, Shaggy DA = 0
The part between the explosions and the nudity

I'll also follow each review with ~four screen grabs. Let's begin!

C.C. & Company (1970)

Plot: Pretty rich girl falls for biker; predictable trouble ensues.
Star Quotient: 10
Joe Namath and Ann-Margret headline - about as good a reason to watch a movie if there ever was one
Badassitude: 4
Namath is a shit kicking biker gypsy, but acting is way too awful to pull it off
Action Fraction: 3
Several yawn inducing motorcycle races
Laughtermath: 3
Humor is nonexistent except for unintentionally hilarious script
Sexitivity: 3
Brief out of focus nudity on a few occasions; Ann-Margret remains fully clothed throughout
Disturbulence: 3
Ann-Margret is nearly raped by two bikers; uncomfortable, but Namath steps in before it got too ugly
Frighteousness: 0
Capitalized on the fears of older generation - young biker gangs run amok; lame by today's standards
Storytelling: 1
Appears to have been written by a mildly retarded 14 year old


For Those Who Think Young (1964)

Plot: Wacky beach loving teens must save a local hangout. Psuedo-hilarity ensues.
Star Quotient: 10
Another gathering of greats: Nancy Sinatra, Bob Denver, Tina Louise, Ellen Burstyn, Paul Lynde
Badassitude: 0
James Darren is a dapper young gentleman; but, even Troy Donahue looks tough by comparison
Action Fraction: 0
Merchant Ivory films have more action than this movie
Laughtermath: 4
Corny Laugh-In style gags abound; cheesy but a lot of fun nonetheless
Sexitivity: 4
Hot young teens and Tina Louise as a burlesque queen; yet, G rated booty is all you'll get in this flick
Disturbulence: 1
Seeing Bob Denver and Nancy Sinatra as a horny couple should count for something
Frighteousness: 0
Storytelling: 1
Paint by numbers mid sixties teen movie


AKA The Jezebels (1975)

Plot: Like The Warriors, but with lots of estrogen
Star Quotient: 1
The neighbor dad in That 70s Show is in it (see image below)... that's about it.
Badassitude: 8
Maggie takes a cigarette burn to the navel and still keeps swinging. She is an ass kicking machine.
Action Fraction: 8
The pace is frantic; the massacre at the roller rink is B movie action at its finest
Laughtermath: 5
It's hard for me to give such high marks to unintentional humor, but this has to be seen to be believed
Sexitivity: 5
No nudity to speak of; however, Maggie is in hot pants or mini throughout.
Disturbulence: 4
A couple scenes of implied rape; surprisingly tame given that it was made in '75 and some scenes are in a women's prison
Frighteousness: 0
Storytelling: 3
Rolls along swiftly, keeping the entertainment level high. However, the dialog is exquisitely horrible.

Since this is the first post of its kind, I'd love to hear some feedback - perhaps a rating category that I overlooked.  Plus, I'd love to hear your two cents on some of these films.


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