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Thursday, 29 September 2011


I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead last week.  It's a great demonstration of the benefits of juicing without sounding like an infomercial.  But, the thought dawned on me that, while this may be a perfectly reasonable tool for weight loss, it's just one of the thousands upon thousands of weight loss plans..... when will it ever end?

Remember the Atkins craze a few years back? Guess what - my parents were on that diet back in 1972!  That's right - it's actually a forty year old diet.

Many of you will recall the beginning of the fitness boom at the end of the 1970s - precisely the time when Baby Boomers became old enough to actually need to work out.  Nobody on the face of the earth jogged before then, and aerobics classes were a new invention as well. The Boomer generation was declaring war on the ravages of time, and because of their massive numbers, the whole world seemed to revolve around punching Father Time in the face.

What would be the next elixir of everlasting youth? Could it be Jazzercise? Sweatin' to the Oldies? Maybe Jane Fonda would know what to do...



Fast forward a couple decades and we are STILL at it. Whether it's Tae Bo, The South Beach Diet, Kettle Bells, or the Thigh Master, we are still obsessed with a magic solution to our love handles and flabby asses. (And it certainly didn't help matters that the diet boom coincided perfectly with the fast-food boom. Bad luck that).
The trillion dollar question now is not "will it ever end" but rather "when will this end?"  Will it continue until the very extinction of the human race, with "step classes" still going strong in 2099? Or, will Americans finally get a clue that there is no quick fix, no simple solution - it's a matter of changing the very fabric of your entire lifestyle long term.... till you effing die.


The only other possibility is that science scores big.  At one time, plastic surgery was deemed the answer to prolonging that youthful look - but that has turned out to be an utter joke.  A lot of surgeons have gotten extremely wealthy in the process; meanwhile, their deluded patiends end up looking like like Photoshopped corpses.

Maybe the answer will come in the form of some synthetic compound that prevents fat storage.  Or perhaps they'll invent a capsule that causes all your muscles to repeatedly contract unnoticed while you sleep, burning calories while you lay motionless on lily white ass. It could happen.


The main problem here is that human beings aren't genetically designed to live into our forties.  Physically speaking, we are meant to procreate and then fucking die.  The fact that we are hanging around FIFTY PLUS years beyond our expiration date defies nature, and defies hundreds of thousands of years of human history.  To somehow override that will be a monumental feat indeed.... and I don't think it's going to be as simple as juicing.

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